Why would you create this website?
Because if you have been out of the community for a while and you’re wondering why it continues to affect you deeply, if you are trying to figure out why therapy isn’t working as well as you’d hoped, or maybe if you don’t understand why you couldn’t just get over it, or if you want to understand why you have symptoms of PTSD… we wanted to offer to you that maybe you aren’t asking the right questions. Maybe you were in a system that was abusing you. The first step to recovering is understanding what happened, and how to get help. As former members of this cult, we have found these resources very useful. Reframing our experience as a cult experience rather than a religious experience has helped clarify things for us in a way nothing else has. We wish to offer that clarity to others.
What does “cult” even mean? Isn’t everything a cult if we use these definitions? Like, any human group? My workplace, the military, whatever, what makes OJ a cult and not them?
No. Everything is not a cult. Your workplace doesn’t dictate who you marry, or what you wear when you’re not at work. You can leave without being shunned or paying another high price. Here’s an example of how the Marines isn’t a cult.You are right about one thing, though. Anything can become a cult. What a cult is, is an abusive relationship, but instead of it being individual abuse, it is communal. What defines a cult isn’t their beliefs (cults can be commercial, political, religious, New Age, and more), but their behaviors and how they treat their membership. Religions are not always cults, but there are religious cults of many kinds. Cult does have a meaning. We are not accusing everything we don’t like of being a cult. “Undue influence,” which is what cults are doing to their members, also exists on a spectrum, so you may notice culty things in groups that otherwise don’t meet most of the characteristics of a cult. It’s not an exact definition because it’s a continuum, but that doesn't mean it isn't definable.We recognize that some people use the term “cult” to refer to groups they don’t like. That can make the word a little difficult sometimes and we recognize that. Still, that doesn’t mean “everything is a cult.”
How can OJ be a cult, if there is no charismatic leader?
Some groups have leaders (think chassidim) but many orthodox Jewish groups don’t have a specific leader. We urge you to consider Chabad-Lubavitch. Their leader is dead, but his memory and teachings hold undue influence over the membership. His followers have created a metaphysical leader out of a dead man. Orthodox Judaism, outside of Chabad-Lubavitch, has done a similar thing. They have a metaphysical leader they call hashem, and they use “the sages”, “the gedolim”, and “daas torah” as a way to communicate his metaphysical instructions. A single human charismatic leader like Charles Manson or Jim Jones isn’t necessary for something to be a cult–examples of cults that have groups of leaders and a set of teachings include Jehovah’s Witnesses and ISIS. 
If there’s no living leader, who benefits from it being a cult? You’re saying the group is manipulative and abusive, but who is benefiting from all of that? There’s no one at the top.
Even if they don’t do this maliciously, anyone who works for a yeshiva or shul benefits. The people at the top of the kashrus-industrial-complex benefit. But, also, no one needs to benefit for it to be a cult. People can control their children for the sole reason that that’s what was done to them and they were told it’s the right way to be. Not every cult has one manipulative leader trying to scam and brainwash followers. It’s about controlling behaviors, whether it’s done maliciously or not. The intention is not that important.
But I believe in god! You’re saying god is a cult leader! That’s crazy. Most of the planet believes in god.
That’s true, and many cult experts are actually theists themselves. We are not saying the belief in a higher power means you’re in a cult. We don’t even think calling that power god, or even being in a god-based religion, means you’re in a cult. “Cult” isn’t about the beliefs; cult is about the behavior. The way OJ relates to Hashem involves a really detailed set of rules, where the god they call Hashem is involved in every aspect of their bodily existence, and many sages have interpreted the teachings to make this leadership even more exacting and controlling over the centuries. Plenty of theists and religious people don’t see god this way. The way the group functions limits the autonomy of its membership to such a degree that we think this goes beyond god, and into the realm of cult. We agree that most people believe in god. We are not calling god a cult leader, we are saying OJ, and its leadership and teachings, use the version of god they have created to exert too much control over the membership. 
Well, maybe it is controlling, but it’s true. If god is true and good and just, and the Torah is true then isn’t that what's best for me?
Why do people believe in Scientology? They do believe in it. Maybe it’s worth contemplating the possibility that you believe this specific interpretation of god and the Torah because you learned this as a child, or were brought into it using psychological manipulation tactics. There are other ways to interpret these things. Orthodox means “one true religion." Scientologists also believe they have the one true way. The idea that you have the one true thing/religion/path is one of the classic signs that you are in a cult. There are different ways, different paths for different people. There is no one true way in life. 
Okay, some groups within Orthodox Judaism might be cult-like, you know, the crazy ones like (fill in your group of choice) but the group I’m in has so many freedoms. You mean the really hardcore ones like Lev Tahor are a cult, not us, right?
Cult behavior and cult experience, like abuse experience in general, exists on a spectrum. Yes, Lev Tahor is more insular, more abusive, and more difficult to leave than other branches of OJ. It’s true there is a spectrum, but even the more liberal branches of Orthodox Judaism exert a lot of pressure and control over the membership. Examples of control: controlling when and what the members eat, controlling when and how and with whom the members have sex, controlling what the members wear. 
What about Modern Orthodoxy?
There are many examples of how Modern Orthodoxy is closer to the healthy end of the influence continuum than Ultra (Chareidi) Orthodoxy. Education and access to media, as well as looser restrictions on clothing, are some of these examples. We acknowledge this. Modern orthodoxy is a large spectrum of practices and behaviors, which one needs to bear in mind when discussing this topic. We would argue that as long as your sex life and what food you are allowed to eat are dictated by your leadership, you are under some degree of undue influence. Niddah and relatively strict kosher laws exist in most of Modern Orthodoxy. When exactly the line goes from culty to cult most likely happens somewhere on the Modern Orthodox spectrum. We are not experts on this spectrum and would leave it to former members of Modern Orthodox groups to discuss the nuances here. There are several resources on our resources page from folks who grew up Modern Orthodox, and you can see those for more on this question. 
Okay, you’re saying controlling our diet is a cult tactic. How is that different from what a nutritionist does?
You sign up for a nutritionist fully aware of what kind of control you are in for, and you can leave at any time without cost. The nutritionist doesn’t have control over other aspects of your life. The nutritionist isn’t holding your eternal soul over your head. When someone joins an Aish class looking for spiritual meaning and maybe a nice Shabbos meal, they don’t realize that in the future they may be giving up drinking faucet water because there might be a microscopic bug in it. They're not yet aware they can never travel again without planning their food for days in advance unless they are going to an orthodox stronghold. They don’t know that their kids will use the word “chazor” as a dirty word. They don’t yet realize their children will be taught as toddlers that if they put food in their mouths without thanking Hashem, they will be stealing from Hashem. They don’t know people won’t eat in their kitchen or marry them if they eat the wrong hechsher. It’s not the same kind of control as a nutritionist. 
Orthodox Judaism doesn’t recruit, though. How can we be a cult if we don’t recruit?
We do recruit. What is Chabad-Lubavitch doing, and Aish HaTorah, and Ohr Samayach and Neve Yerushalayim, if not recruiting? Yes, they are recruiting specific people, not everyone in the world, but it is common for cults to recruit specific people. Often, they want beautiful and successful people, and it helps if they are rich (see NXIVM and Scientology). Cults usually want young people who are able-bodied. Some cults prefer a specific race. Our cult wants “Chosen people,” with a very specific bloodline. That doesn’t mean we don’t recruit. The budget for recruiting in our cult is well into the millions. 
What if people in the cult are happy?
What if a person in an abusive relationship is "happy?" Or claims to be? Members of Heaven’s Gate filmed themselves before their group death by suicide, and they said they were exercising their own free will and were happy to die. “It is unwise to accept at face value a cult members’ words that he is happy. In a cult, happiness is often redefined as sacrifice or suffering.” –Steven HassanIt's common to hear from OJ that true happiness is being an "eved Hashem", or a servant to Hashem. Is there anything that could make the person unhappy enough to walk away from the group? What do they think happiness means? If they are unhappy with the group, would they say so to an outsider, or is that strongly discouraged? ("Chillul Hashem") Are "negative" emotions (such as "ka'aas") discouraged to the degree that members feel they should not be experiencing them? There is even a mitzvah--a commandment--to be happy. It’s also possible for different members of cults to have different cult experiences. Maybe some, if they are lucky enough to have the circumstances and personality that fits the one desired by the group, are happy, but even so we maintain that the system is controlling and abusive. Their happiness may exist at the expense of others, for example, LGBT people, agunot, and BTs who will never be equal citizens in the eyes of the community. What if that same individual has a gay child, or becomes an agunah? A man who is not interested in Torah learning or a woman who is interested in leadership will always be misfits in Orthodox Judaism. If the cult member is truly happy, is that because they are at the top rung of the abusive system? Happy for now, until they lose status? 
But there are nice parts of being Orthodox!
Indeed there are, and there are nice parts of being in any cult. If there weren’t, no one would join one. Meaning, community, purpose, all of those things are wonderful and you can find them in cults. The price you pay is control, coercion, and abuse.
“Cult” is an inflammatory word and academics don’t use it. Why are you using it?
We are aware of that. There is an academic disagreement about the word “cult,” and a lot of folks think the phrase New Religious Movement should replace it. We don’t agree. We understand the importance of neutrality in academia. But we are not academics. As cult survivors, we like the word. It’s descriptive. It is inflammatory because it should be. It’s an indictment, and it’s not a neutral word, and we think that is correct. It describes our experience. This is a serious issue and we take it seriously and we use serious language. NRM isn’t a good descriptor for our experience. The word “cult” is often misunderstood, which is the biggest problem with it. We have a definition, based on the work of Lifton, Hassan, and Lalich. The word “cult” may offend current members. That’s true. We don’t tell the people we love that we think they are in a cult, as that isn’t a good way to help them. Telling someone they are being abused just causes defensiveness. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use the word, or discuss the issue amongst ourselves. If you don’t want to use the word “cult” we respect you and your choices. Have a look at the resources, anyway. "High control group/religion" or "high demand group/religion" are alternate terms that are descriptive, and they avoid being quite such an indictment as the word "cult." Feel free to use those terms instead. 
What is the difference between a religion and a cult? Isn’t it just the size of the group or the length of time it’s been in existence?
No. You can be in a religion that isn’t a cult, even a new one. You can be in an old religion that isn’t a cult. The size of the group is relevant, as far as we can tell, because it’s easier to maintain control over a smaller group of people, but big groups usually break off into smaller ones, so you can be part of a cult within a larger religion. Cults are about control and abuse. Is the group controlling and abusing its membership? Where does it fall on the influence continuum from healthy to unhealthy? We are atheists, but we don’t believe all religion is a cult. 
I’m not an atheist, and I care about being Jewish, but I’m still thinking I was brought up in/joined a cult. Can I believe in god and Judaism and not be in a cult?
Yes. You can believe in Judaism, though you may need to reconsider fundamentalism. The line between fundamentalism and cult is pretty difficult for us to find, so we are going to say fundamentalist religion is too close to a cult for you to practice it if you want to be safe. There are plenty of branches of Judaism that are not abusive, still believe in god and the Jewish people being connected to each other, and care about holidays, bagels, gefilte fish, and sarcastic humor. Find those. 
How can OJ be a cult? You are free to leave whenever you want—no one is keeping you locked up.
“A cult is any organization that doesn’t let you leave with your dignity intact.” —Thomas McConkieIt’s rare for cults to actually keep members in a physical environment that they can’t leave. It happens, but it’s not common. What most cults actually do is create a “prison of belief,” as Lawrence Wright called it in his book about Scientology, Going Clear.Yes, you can walk out of Kiryas Joel or Kfar Chabad or Boro Park or Flatbush, and live a different life. But how? With what life skills, education or connections? Will you leave everyone you know behind, everything you’ve ever experienced? Will you be afraid of “the outside world” as you’ve been taught to be? Are you now terrified of Hashem’s wrath? Maybe you’re afraid that all goyim hate you? What will your friends and family think of you if you do this?There are other control mechanisms keeping people from leaving. The shidduch system, which controls both sex and status in the community, is a powerful deterrent from stepping out of line. “How will your siblings get a shidduch?” Is a strong method to prevent people from going “off the Derech.” This method also manipulates the questioning person into thinking a bad shidduch for their family member is their own fault, instead of a cruel punishment built into the system. It’s a perfect set of chains, the kind you cannot see.It’s true, no one is keeping you locked up in Orthodox Judaism. Like in most cults, the chains are mental and emotional, and living in such an insular way is also part of creating the cell. This is the prison of belief.
Okay, let’s say I agree that it’s a cult. You convinced me. Is there such a thing as a good cult? What if I really like it? What if I think it’s the best way to live, the most moral way? If I know it’s a cult and it’s controlling and I want to be there, and I choose to be controlled, and I want to raise my kids in it, how is that wrong?
This is a very interesting question, and if this thought occurred to you while reading these FAQs, we would love to hear from you.There's no such thing as a good cult. There are good organizations that become cults, and good parts of cult life. But there are no good cults. We believe controlling people to the degree that cults do cannot be moral, because we hold individual autonomy to be a value. High control is abuse. Additionally, we would like to gently suggest that you ask yourself about morality, really and deeply. If you agree you are in a cult, could it be you think this is a moral way to live because you were taught to think that? What are your moral values and where did they come from? Does the organization in question, Orthodox Judaism, truly uphold your values? Look at what they do, not what they say. If you agree you are under undue influence, is it possible you may have been taught to see things in a way that is not based in reality?
“I’m sorry you had a bad experience growing up, but that’s not my Judaism. My frumkeit is beautiful and my frum community is loving. Obviously you didn’t see that.”
We did and do see it. Hatzolah, tzedakah, bikur cholim, gemachs, niggunim around the Shabbos table, cholent and potato kugel, Avram Fried… there’s lots of great stuff. We had the great stuff, too. We get it. You think that we are ignoring the good stuff and focusing on bad things. But in reality, it’s both. And the bad things are really bad. You might not realize how bad they are because you are used to them. Or you discount them because you think they are an unavoidable part of the system (agunot is just one example). What if we are right? What if you are in a cult? How would you know?
Isn’t a site like this going to increase antisemitism by giving them more ammunition against us?
Is it? Is someone who isn’t an antisemite going to hate Jews more because a few Jews are discussing whether some groups of us are taking the religion in a culty direction? We don’t think so. Will a person who is already inclined to hate Jews say “see, they said it themselves,” etc? Maybe? But what have we lost there? They already hated us. We care about Jews. We care about our families and our friends and our former communities and we don’t want them to suffer under the weight of this. We want to help folks find resources to explain to themselves what their lives have been. That is more important to us than a potential chance that we could make someone who hates us already say “aha.” We think the fear of antisemitism makes sense, and antisemitism certainly exists, but this fear is also used by the Orthodox Jewish community to silence criticism. If the group you are a part of is really good and healthy, a little criticism should be okay, right? It shouldn’t be so bad to ask these questions. 
I’m scared that you’re right. I don’t like the idea that I am a victim.
Yeah. We understand. We are really sorry. We don’t like it either. You didn’t do anything wrong. This doesn’t mean anything about you or your personality. “Victim” is a word that has a lot of baggage associated with it (though the baggage should be on the victimizer…) so feel free to choose another word. Or don’t label anything at all, just consider some of this information and see what you think. 
My feelings are hurt and I feel like you are attacking my family and my community!
You’re entitled to your feelings. To be clear, we are certainly not attacking any individuals (except actual cult leaders) because it’s not anyone’s fault if they are in a cult. Someone is treating them with coercion and abuse. They didn’t do that. We are not attacking them. We are saying they are being mistreated. They and you are welcome to disagree. Saying that any criticism of a community is an attack is not a reasonable response.It’s okay for you to feel defensive. The term cult has a negative connotation, and people don’t want to belong to something that has a negative connotation. There is also a common belief that cult members are gullible or stupid for being in a cult. That is not true. People in a cult are not different from other people, they are just caught up in an abusive relationship, and that’s not their fault, and it could happen to anyone. We are not saying you or anyone you love is bad. We are saying the system they are in may be harmful. We are really sorry if this gives you pain. Feel free to stop looking at any or all of this at any time. You take care of you first. 
This website is cruel to Orthodox Jews!
We love our friends and family. Learning that they are within a cycle of communal abuse has helped us understand them, and it has helped us understand some of the things they do. This knowledge has given us more compassion and more capacity to forgive them. We hope this helps you, too. To us, this analysis is the opposite of cruel. 
